whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
