Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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