Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
