dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
