Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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