And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
