you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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