Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
