You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
