you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
