Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
