im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
