Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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