; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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