The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
