ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
