brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
vagina is talking i cant
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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