it wasn't lemon gatorade
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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