Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
