i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
