I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
