I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
