This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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