I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
