pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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