dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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