i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
