dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
