her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
