I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
