the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
