mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
