My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why do cheetos always look like penises
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
