I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
