next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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