he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
