I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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