her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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