I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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