Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize