Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
50% drunk capacity currently
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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