it was like his penis was on wheels.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
