How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
