I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
