Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
