Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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