I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
