all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
