I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
