If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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