I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
please come you make the beer taste better
I am midnight drunk by noon
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
