I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
