Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
