why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
