It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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