Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
