Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize