Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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