Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
