You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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