Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize