So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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