i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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