At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize