I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
