dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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