Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We smell like vodka and hangover
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