They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
