We're facebook friends in real life
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
