Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
third nipple confirmed
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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