Pants 0. Shit 1.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
