so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
