how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your mouth is God's brothel.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
