tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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