Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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